As I began the session with my patient, they turned to me and spoke of the death of their loved one.
They talked about the varying emotions they were feeling: anger, deep sadness, elation and denial but the one symptom that had caught them off guard was anxiety. They talked of a fear of being around people, the need to remain on familiar territory and the panic attacks that ambushed them in the middle of the night. We then discussed at length about the genuine normality of this symptom and how it can manifest in many forms, each one perfectly normal.
After the session ended, I reflected on how this element of grief is not widely talked about. Its ok to feel sadness, normal in fact. Its ok to feel angry at themselves, the one who has passed on and anything happening around them. It is normal to feel denial, hoping that it isnt so, things will one day return to normal and that person will walk through the door again. But Anxiety? We don’t talk about the panic that rises in our chest’s when we are so deeply overcome with emotion that we can barely breath. We don’t talk about the agoraphobic tendencies we can develop that make us hide away from people and yearn to retain the familiar. Given our humanity and generally loving nature, why wouldn’t we become anxious and fearful after something has been taken away from us, making us question our own purpose and reason for existing. We are habitual creatures at heart and when our usual routines are disrupted it naturally causes negative effects. The positive element of this is that this temporary interruption will improve in time and is not the status quo. It is a symptom of a distressed mental state and one which needs to be recognised in order to understand and potentially manage. How can this be handled? To begin, we need to acknowledge, talk, plan and practice but within all of this it is essential to not push yourself into a state of further despair. Grief takes time, it’s a process, one that is multifaceted and best without pressure.
Ishbel Straker is a clinical director, registered mental health nurse, independent nurse prescriber and board member of IntANSA
Working from her private practice in Liverpool, Ishbel Straker specialises in the following:
Alcohol addiction
Drug addiction
Gambling addiction
Anxiety
Depression
